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Epitaph Records
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        When Las Vegas is accused of being shallow, over-commercial, morally degenerate, overly flamboyant, and lacking substance, we immediately think of casinos, strippers, neon lights, strippers, cheap cocktails, strippers, and did I mention strippers? With the emergence of Las Vegas natives Escape the Fate, we now have a new stereotypical Vegas act.
         Imagine a Bullet for My Valentine cover band mixed with Senses fail, with the attitude of Tommy Lee. This is mainstream-ized scream metal turned glam rock. This is a band that thinks if it can have a.) a guy in make-up scream and b.) guitarists who hit open power chords twice a measure, they are "heavy." Combine this with their self-absorbed image. I swear if the camera had a dick these guys would have sucked it dry.
I break into a sweat just thinking about how many eye-liner boys will think this is "hardcore," putting it in their iPod playlists alongside Silverstein and From First to Last.
         I feel like this is some sort of sick corporate joke. Escape the Fate is to 2006 as Good Charlotte was to 2002: all image as appeal, little musical substance. Not only does ETF lack any power in trying to sound heavy, their melodic attempts are absolutely hollow.
         But here�s the surprise! This is an Epitaph release! I refuse to believe the label that brought the world Refused, Hot Water Music, Rancid, and Union 13 could be responsible for this self-absorbed eyesore.
         I kid you not when I say they love themselves. Does a band really need their Myspace bio to be nearly 1200 words long? Do they need to end this bio with the singer saying, "We�re gonna be the biggest thing. So huge. I know it."?
         Not on my watch, Gene Simmons Jr. I will do anything in my power to expose Escape the Fate�s lack of substance, originality, power, real emotion, and musicality.
C.L. '06

1) Dragging Dead Bodies In Blue Bags Up Really Long Hills
2) There's No Sympathy For the Dead
3) The Ransom
4) As You're Falling Down
5) The Guillotine